I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
