i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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