Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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