Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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