Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
