peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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