i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
