i jhust puked up my retainher.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
