once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
