oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
