I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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