Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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