You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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