That's when you crack a 10am beer
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
