In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
