i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
