I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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