Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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