Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
