I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
