she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
