That's intense
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
