It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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