She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
