cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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