I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
