you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
