if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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