I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
