Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
