I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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