why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
