Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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