they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
