Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
