I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
