i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
