I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I understand Curling. That high.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
