Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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