some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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