my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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