you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
