Screwed.edu
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
