the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
