I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
