I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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