she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
