At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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