Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
