I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
