ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
