I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
