you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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