yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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