I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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