I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
