lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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