i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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