Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
