Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You left your phone here
Wait...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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