I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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