why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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