i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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