I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
where does the pee come out of this thing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
