you would pick up someone in the library
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
