OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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