I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do herpes really smell.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
