the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
