You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
