Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
