If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
